I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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