When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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