We named our party play list daddy issues
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
