and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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