My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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