Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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