I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
