I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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