So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
