You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
