You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
