is your mom at the bar?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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