Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize