ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
