beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
