Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
