i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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