I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
