Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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