Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
