Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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