Will you blow on my dice?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
