Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
