Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
