dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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