Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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