drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If I die, sorry about rent.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
