Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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