I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
