Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
