Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
