just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
