he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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