Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
