i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
