Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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