Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
