I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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