when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
