my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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