just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
