i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
