I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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