so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
