did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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