I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
