WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
