Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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