I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I deserve this hangover.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
