nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
