There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
