dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Randomize
