just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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