Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
