dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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