foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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