am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
