I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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