i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm at about main and main street
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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