I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
