don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
