the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
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