he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
