So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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