I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
