Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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