i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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