i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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