I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
