I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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