I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
