dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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